By Megan Willome

We know we should love our neighbors, but that seems like a pretty tall order when we don’t even know them. In today’s world of instant communication, we are more likely to correspond with someone across the globe than across the street. Eventually the individualism of modern life can lead to indifference.

While researching this story, I found little advice on improving relations with neighbors. I found websites dedicated to how to sue your neighbor, what to do if you think your neighbor has committed a crime and, my personal favorite, “Help! I think my neighbor is a terrorist!” If you want to learn how to live in peace with your neighbor, you’ll have to head to the children’s section of the library for advice. My favorite picture book on this subject is “Clifford and the Grouchy Neighbors” by Norman Bridwell.

Whether your neighborhood more closely resembles Homer Simpson’s Springfield or Andy Griffith’s Mayberry, it is not too late to learn how to be a good neighbor. Consider the following 11 commandments to help you get started.

1 . Thou shalt learn thy neighbor’s name.

Here is a situation you don’t want to happen to you. A few months after we moved to a new house in a new city, my husband was chatting with the checkout clerk at the health food store. They were sure they knew each other, but neither could pin it down. They didn’t work together or attend the same church. Finally, my husband solved the mystery: “We’re your next-door neighbors.” Alas, he was correct. This neighbor still shares produce from her garden, despite the fact that I cannot reciprocate (I can’t grow dirt). However, I now know her name. Start with the houses immediately around you. Introduce yourself when you see each other outdoors. Avoid being embarrassed when you’re in line at H.E.B.

2 . Thou shalt meet new neighbors.

People come; people go. We watch through our windows, but do we step outside the front door and actually meet them? We bought a house on Rambler Drive when I was more than a little pregnant with my first child. No one brought cookies to welcome us, but a neighbor stopped by a couple weeks after we moved in. This young mother bundled her two young boys into a stroller in January and crossed the busy street to greet us. Our children played together for the next 10 years. We are still friends, although we now live in separate cities. If you see a moving truck, walk over and introduce yourself. A brief hello can go a long way toward making a friend.

3 . Thou shalt venture to neighbors beyond thy street.

The word “neighbor” comes from two Germanic words meaning “near” and “dweller.” Originally a neighbor meant a farmer who lived nearby, but the closest house might be several acres away. I have always had friends in my neighborhood, but sometimes I had to walk a couple of streets over to meet them. Case in point: On the first day of school in 2004, we met a new family on nearby Viking Drive who was also walking to Viking Hills Elementary. Although we lived on different streets, our friendship grew as we trekked the half-mile to and from school every day. We still exchange Christmas cards. One friend said that a neighbor is someone that lives close enough to visit without driving the car. That’s a good barometer. If you haven’t ventured beyond your driveway in awhile, take a walk around the block and wave at some new neighbors.

4 . Thou shalt pay attention to the neighborhood children.

Children are the pulse of a neighborhood. If your neighborhood has children, then they will play outside. Often my kids introduce me to my neighbors. Other times I learn the name of a child before I meet their parents. Our neighbors know the Willome kids. Last summer, a neighbor I had not yet met knocked on our door and said, “I heard you have a son. My grandson is living with us. Can we get the boys together to play?” Likewise, my daughter has befriended children on several streets in our neighborhood. One of our elderly neighbors says she enjoys watching the flow of kids in and out of our house. It tells her that the neighborhood is a good place to raise a family, even though she moved here after her kids were grown.

5 . Thou shalt live in peace with thy neighbor.

We do not choose our neighbors. It would be helpful if real estate fliers included pertinent information such as, “Next-door neighbor hates cats.” Like the trees in the yard, the neighbors come with the territory. Some are live oaks. Some are hackberries. President John F. Kennedy spoke about neighbors in his commencement address to American University on June 10, 1963, in which he said, “World peace, like community peace, does not require that each man love his neighbor; it requires only that they live together with mutual tolerance, submitting their disputes to a just and peaceful settlement.” Use a little common sense to avoid conflict. If you borrow a tool from a neighbor, clean it and return it promptly. If a boundary bush needs to be trimmed, discuss it with your neighbor before you hack away. Help your neighbors when they need help, and they will be more likely to help you.

6 . Thou shalt not be an obnoxious neighbor

Our neighbors do not necessarily want to become part of our families. In newer subdivisions where houses are built close together, privacy is even more important. Neighbors may have different backgrounds, ages and preferences, and those differences are to be respected. When we lived on Rambler, the woman across the street was among the original owners in the neighborhood. She had a large family who made sure her needs were met. She did not need frequent visits from us, her perky neighbors. However, she did need help maneuvering her trashcan up and down her steep driveway. Most Fridays, one neighbor pulled up the trashcan for her, and another (my husband) pulled it back down. Although we only entered each other’s houses once in 10 years, we had a friendly relationship based on brief visits and small kindnesses. You don’t have to set foot on your neighbor’s doorstep every day in order to be a good neighbor. The writer of Proverbs said it best: “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbor’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” (Proverbs 25:17)

7 . Thou shalt try to resolve disputes with thy neighbor.

Issues arise between neighbors. Perhaps they mow too early on the weekends or party too late at night. The problem may include an unsightly yard or a sagging tree. First try to resolve the problem politely, preferably face to face. When we closed on our Rambler house, we learned about a boundary problem with the house next door. This situation could have been ugly, but our neighbor offered to buy the piece of land in dispute so that the property line corresponded to the fence line. Over the next decade, we had many pleasant conversations over that same fence. If civility fails and you live in a neighborhood with a homeowner’s association, bring the dispute to the group’s attention. If your neighborhood lacks such a group, see if another neighbor can mediate the situation.

8 . Thou shalt watch thy neighbor’s back.

I’m not talking about being nosy; I’m talking about being safe. When neighbors watch out for one another, the neighborhood has internal protection against crime. Before I left town for summer vacation, I told my next-door neighbor what days I would be gone, then asked her to call the police if she saw someone breaking into my house. I said it as a joke, but crime is not a joking matter. If a criminal is successful at one house, he will often try another one nearby. Vacation also provides an excellent opportunity to be a good neighbor. Offer to water the plants or feed the pets while your neighbors are out of town. If they forget to stop the newspaper, then save it for them. Notice if something seems suspicious. It is not in a neighborhood’s best interest for anyone to be burglarized. Security is enhanced when people know each other.

9 . Thou shalt participate in or form a neighborhood watch.

National Night Out, which was held on August 7 this year, encourages neighbors to watch out for each other. This program is affiliated with the National Association of Town Watch, a non-profit organization that links law enforcement with neighborhood watch groups. In 2006, Waco ranked 10th among cities of 100,000 to 299,000 for its National Night Out programs. Many of these celebrations include a block party. This type of event does not have to be elaborate. If you have lawn chairs and lemonade, you have a party. One neighborhood hosted a bring-your-own-ice-cream party, and the host family provided the toppings. Another encouraged guests to bring finger-foods. If you let your local police know you are hosting a neighborhood watch party, officers may bring the patrol car or the K-9 dog as a treat for the kids. For more information on starting a neighborhood watch, contact the National Neighborhood Watch Institute at 888/669-4872.

10 . Thou shalt consider hosting a neighborhood event during a holiday.

One December, a neighbor and I invited the folks on Rambler to a Christmas party. We served cookies and coffee. Only one couple came, but they were grateful for an opportunity to get to know their neighbors. Halloween can be a great time to schedule an event. Neighbors you have never met will come to your door! In addition to treats for the kids, we provide sodas or hot cocoa for the adults and visit awhile. We get off the porch that night, too. While trick-or-treating last year, my kids and I met neighbors on our street that we had never seen outside before. Many were senior citizens. If you happen to live in Castle Heights, you know that people come from across Waco to trick-or-treat. When we lived on Austin Avenue, my husband and I were so overwhelmed by the crowd that we hid in our spare room and ate the candy ourselves. We missed an opportunity to meet a lot of neighbors that night, some of whom lived on the other side of town.

11 . Thou shalt treasure thy neighbors, even those you don’t know.

If you live in a neighborhood long enough, neighbors become like old high school classmates with whom you have shared experiences. The Easter snow. The fire truck in the middle of the night. The door-to-door sales. Once my children decided to bake cookies and sell them. None of the neighbors we already knew answered their doors that Sunday afternoon, so we met many people for the first time. One man gave us $5 for two cookies and told us to keep the change. Two years later, we made cookies again and gave them away as a thank-you to our neighborhood before we moved. I treasure my Rambler neighbors, even those I only spoke with once. They made my years in Waco good ones. Maybe we can’t feel loving toward every person in our neighborhood, but we can follow the Golden Rule. We can do unto our neighbors as we would have them do unto us. If each of us moved a step in that direction, our neighborhoods would become more secure and more pleasant places in which to live.